02:30pm Wed Jul28, 2004 

"Thank-you for calling, Microsoft...  bend over."Although I can't wait to kick Mohammed II around again with my Futureshop sequel, my blood went to a boil yesterday over a more widely hated company which I must now poop on, specifically, Microsoft.  Over the weekend the Abattoir saw the rebuild of several computers and the creation of some new ones for work; one such machine would be the President's unit.  Upon return to work on Monday, the new units were set-up and the loading continued as company specific applications and tweaks were done.  To my embarrassment, it seemed the Presidents' machine only had 64meg of RAM, this would barely be enough to support the new added bloatware of Windows XP, so off I went to Tomken Technologies (...who are also pulling Cedar SPAM Springs water coolers from their place of business by request...) and grabbed a stick of the good stuff.  I returned to the office, installed it, turned the computer back on and, Whamo!  "Your clocks date is invalid!" pops up on reboot -- this was followed seconds later by "You must activate your copy of Windows XP Professional now!" and the computer refused to boot beyond this pont.  I don't usually activate XP until I finish loading the basic applications and such, but apparently Microsoft's paranoid "you're trying to screw us" filter was activated by the new stick of RAM and now my 30 day "grace" period had been zapped.  I have every intension of taping one of these calls to Microsofts' Activation Centre, just so I can showcase point-by-point how much it blows...  First you have to endure their female computer activation chick who takes your entire 25 digit product activation number slowly, patronizing you for being a good monkey between each block of numbers, only to tell you when you finally finish that she's unable to help you and will be transferring you to a customer service rep.  Now I'm forced to repeat the entire slew of numbers to the representative, even though I just spent 8 minutes telling the computer attendant this number -- seems Microsoft's not figured a way to get their computers to talk to each other, they should get a hold of a networking company to help them with that...  Now you have to understand one thing, when you're forced to call the activation centre, it's because you've been bad and they are assuming that you are trying to steal Christmas from them...  You are basically guilty by nature of the call and now must plea your case with the all-mighty, all-seeing know-it-all...  "I'm sorry, we can't activate this copy of Windows, it's already been activated..." I'm told -- this is the same crap I go through every time and frankly it's getting a little tired; I explained that the machine this copy was on, has been upgraded and this is a new install, "this license is running on this computer only" I explained to him...  Want to hear what Microsofts' representative told me?  "Once you activate an 'OEM' version of Windows XP on a machine, it's married to that machine and can never be activated again." -- Now I even qualified the guy with this follow-up question; "...so, I have a new computer and have bought, installed and activated Windows XP Professional OEM version on it; two weeks later my computer is hit by lightning and reduced to a smoldering ingot...  You're telling me I can't use this same, two week old copy on the new machine I build to replace the one that was taken out by lightning?"  He said "...that's right, you have to buy Windows XP Professional Upgrade version...  That's why the OEM version is so cheap, it can only be installed and activated once."  *I blinked*  Who the hell ARE these people and how did they get on my planet?!  This guy must have worked as tech support for Cgocable in Burlington before coming over to Microsoft (...after having connection issues with my cable modem, I called Cgocable's tech support to ask what was up with their network -- after she ran a few 'tests' remotely, I was instructed to "reinstall my operating system to fix the problem", hand to God folks!..)  Completely unable to help me, I told the dude "Guess it really is time to move over to Linux." his reply; "Thank-you for calling Microsoft."  *bangs head* I waited a couple moments, then tried to activate it again, this time it went though -- how interesting.  Gates...  You suck.


Happy birthday Isis! - 04:00pm Thu Jul22, 2004 

Over six weeks and not one LAN Minutes update...  Yes, we suck.  Let's have ourselves a little update on the happenings around Abattoir.Net then shall we?  My beloved aunt Monica and her porn star companion Chase have returned to England after their recent visit to the family and their first peek at Myles other than on a webcam...  We love Monica and Chase, they are fun, energetic, down to Earth, can drink and are right proper if my 'English' is to snuff; we have been trying to convince Mon & Chaz to levitate to Canada and help us pay taxes -- there's been some interest shown, so to sweeten I will point out some advantages as I know she reads the Abattoir hourly.  First, our electrical outlets completely kick your outlets asses...  We have 'plugs' on our appliances and gadgets, you guys over there have some huge, monster, whole-hand sized, Frankenstein outfits on the end of your cords that Canadians here would use to power a circus ride, we feel you're overcompensating and frankly, they look silly.  Second, 60hz (...helps the epileptics...)  Plus there's great wonders here like Niagara Falls, Dalton McGinty and Magnetic Hill.  Come to the dark side; bring your Nanny outfit, Monica. We love you.

Thanks to everyone that joined us for BTM44, our Summer opener means the closing of the Abattoir BTMs as we take time to enjoy the great Canadian Summer (...which is much dryer and warmer than England's Summer...)  The cottage begs our attention, LAN Central gets some finishing touches and some new 'features' installed and it's time to sit in the sun and enjoy what we've been waiting for all Winter...  Mosquitoes and smog advisories.   There is however some great game news that demands attention too: Doom 3 is finished and it's hitting the shelves on August 2nd! (...no really this time, we mean it!...)  We will be hosting a weekend "gathering" for those who want to come over and try Doom 3 on a new über machine built in anticipation, connected to a couple thousand watts of 5.1 sound and the Abattoir.Net Wall of Quake (...or the 'flame thrower' as it's known...)  There's no sign-up for this, it's not a BTM, it's not even really a mini-BTM, but you can count on cold beer and hot pizza, stay tuned to the Minutes, we'll let you know when it's all together.

I have tons of news to write about, such as Cedar SPAM Springs paying me a visit at work just the other day, but I'd much rather save this space to mention that today is Isis' birthday!  Please feel free to load her email up with birthday wishes from near and far since her own parents as of this writing have not remembered yet and she's just not feeling the love...  Take a jump to the Abattoir.BBs and post your love here!  I on the other hand, being the loving and romantic person that I am, surprised her beyond her wildest dreams with a new windshield for her car...  Yup, I'm one hell of a catch.

"Welcome to Futureshop, my name's Mohommed and I'll be your stalker today..."Now, for your reading pleasure; MeatMan goes off on another rant about another crap company...  Allow me to sink my fangs into Futureshop.  This company presents itself as one of the worst places on Earth to purchase anything that's over $16 unless you enjoy anal rape.  A couple of weeks back I popped over to Futureshop to grab a wireless router for the office; I knew exactly what it was I needed and I knew exactly where in the store it was located, I also knew I was in for another round of cat and mouse with their sales dorks.  I walked up to the product and was instantly pounced upon by Mohammed who asked if I needed any help (...nothing wrong with that...) I turned my head to the left, smiled at him and said, "Thank-you no...  I'm fine and don't require any help, thanks." -- he said no problem and began to walk away, as I turned my head back toward the rack of electronic goodies in front of me, I jumped when I noticed my personal space being violated by the head of Mohammed II who had flanked me from the right with incredible stealth while I was speaking to sales-unit 1; with Mohammed II "the close talker" about 12 inches from my face, he asked if I needed any help, which to me seemed rather odd since there's no way in hell he didn't just hear what I said less than 3 seconds ago to the last guy...  Annoyed already, I said "...no!  I don't need any help, I know what I'm after, thank-you!"  He took one step backwards (...which now placed him less than three feet away from me...) and said "...I'll be right here if you need me.", I looked at him as he stood there and gawked, "I can see that..." I said.  My hand reached out and I grabbed the LinkSys Router I came for.  Before I could even pull the box closer to me, Mohammed II jumps forward again, "Sir!  We have the Microsoft Base Station on sale right now, there's a rebate on the LinkSys, but with the Microsoft Base you get..." I cut him off mid-pitch by raising my hand like a crossing guard right in his face (...since he seem to like getting in my face, I felt I was within social tolerance getting in his...)  "...I do NOT require any help, I do not WANT any help, I'll ask once more that you leave me alone." I barked.  He backed off and once again threatened me that he would be close.  I was also in the market for a new Laptop, so with the Router in hand, I started to move around to the next isle to browse the selection...  I had just started to shift my weight and didn't even get one foot in front of the other when Mohammed II sprung, "How will you be paying for that, Sir?" as his outstretched hand snapped for the Router I was holding like a chemeleon's tonge nailing prey...  Now at this point, I've been in Futureshop less than 3 minutes and I've been assaulted 4 times already, my temples grew veins and started pulsing like an alien on Star Trek...  Apparently F*uck-off is the only phrase this guy will understand, but I'm above that (...so far...) and since I was out of pepper spray I had to deal with this static-cling dick-wad with words, "Would you mind if I continue to shop!?  Get the hell away from me!" -- I walked around the corner to the adjacent isle containing Laptops and the tracking started...  Every move I made was countered by Mohammed II like he was a friggin' mirror, I started to literally feel uncomfortable as I felt his stare beating the back of my head, I could almost feel his breath on my neck for crying out loud.  The issue here is, these poor slobs are all on commission, they must get paid about $8 a day and two soda crackers, the rest is coin they get whenever they ring your sale in and attempt to ram a useless extended warranty down your throat, I also find this annoyingly redundant since they stop you at the door and re-ring-in your purchase before you can leave anyway...  This guy had annoyed the hell out of me and I'll be damned if he's getting one cent off me for his harassment; I knew I was going to have to lose him and I knew it was going to be tough.  I started looking at all the Laptops, each time I put one down, Mohammed II's head swivelled toward me awaiting that chance to nail that .75¢ commission.  I had to fake him out, I placed the Router down, and moved to pick-up the next Laptop; thinking I was going to be looking at it for a couple seconds at least, Mohammed II turned back towards the other customer he was stalking...  This was my chance, like a well executed head-fake, I snatched the Router and literally started to run towards the cashier, Mohammed II sped into action, with his hand raised and waving franticly he shouted "I can ring that in for you here, Sir!" and he started to run after me, "Not a damned chance!" I yelled back as I sprinted for the cashiers.  This to me was a horrible shopping experience, but paled in comparison to what happened two days later at this same store in Mississauga when I returned for more abuse...  Check back for part II -- "MeatMan tries to buy two Sony LCD Monitors at Futureshop without a taser gun".  For this adventure in self abuse, I even brought my Mother with me to help run blocker.



MeatMan Says:
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