07:00pm Oct31, 2006 

The witching hour is upon us!  Halloween was always a trial for me as a kid, I'd spend week after week meticulously crafting a costume from scratch; like a huge robot with LED's all over it, cool graphics, a clear chute for candy input -- I was without a doubt the friggin' coolest kid that ever existed!  There I was, perched on the porch of my next home waiting to thrill the occupants within who would without a doubt be in awe of my genius -- I'd ring the doorbell just as other kids frolicked to the stoop...  The door opens, I get a glance then immediately the candy givers bend down and look at the two-year-old beside me who wore a $5 costume his parents bought at Shoppers Drugmart consisting of a plastic face mask and a flammable, paper pull-over shirt that said "Spiderman" on it in case you couldn't guess what the kids shit costume was supposed to be; "Oh!  Look at you, aren't you CUTE!" -- I hate Halloween.


Now as a semi-mature adult, I get invited to the prodigious "Silent-Bob Annual Halloween Hoochfest", a party to the elite, it took years to get on the list!  Famous for my genius costume creations, I decide Isis as I would go as Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky; my hair was slicked-back and painted grey with silver streaks, I wore a dark blue suit bought for the occasion, a white dress-shirt and tie -- Isis, wearing a blue dress had dyed her hair black and sported the Monica haircut.  To add realism, I squirted white craft paint on the front of her dress and I sported an 8" latex strap-on which bolted from my open pant fly; this was class all the way!  We headed up to highway 401 and navigated west for Silent-Bobs place only to slam into a wall of cars and transport trucks.  Apparently there was a transport roll-over and a multiple car pile-up that shut the highway down...  There we sat for two and a half hours, her with fake jizz on her chest and me with an 8" latex boner and a strap-on that was chafing my nether-region.  We never made it to the party and even with Monica Lewinsky seated beside me, I got nothing -- I hate Halloween.


03:03pm Oct17, 2006 

At our last BTM LAN Party (most) of us were pretty excited to taste the latest digital droppings from EA Games as the demo for Battlefield 2142 started to spread around the gaming world; Battlefield 2142 is the latest instalment in the successful Battlefield franchise.  We soon were left with a very bad taste in our mouth after rumours surfaced that EA Games newest offering could be served-up with a large side plate of mandatory SpyWare right in the game...  A post on Slashdot indicates that the retail version has a little surprise inside it that's conveniently not detailed on the "outside" of the box...  When you open your store-bought copy of Battlefield 2142, the first thing you're greeted by is a large white card detailing how the game incorporates advertising software that reports your surfing habits to IGA Worldwide Inc. in order to render targeted, in-game advertising at you -- the only targeting I need in a game will come from a cross-hair.  This is causing quite the commotion in the Abattoir forums; why wouldn't they tell you up front?  Because you might not buy the game, stupid.  I think EA Games have once again tripped over their own PR clown-shoes on this one...  We at Abattoir.Net certainly hope that the public (or "the gaming community" as we're called) doesn't hear that EA Games new offering might have SpyWare in it, if people heard that EA Games incorporates SpyWare in their games, people might not buy their products after hearing that there's SpyWare in it, so we'll keep it quiet that EA Games new Battlefield 2142 might contain SpyWare until EA Games comes out and tells us that their new game, Battlefield 2142 doesn't contain SpyWare (but we've heard it does).  Shh, don't say it out loud -- you might have your global rank reset.


01:35pm Oct17, 2006 

Now that was an awesome BTM LAN Party to say the least!  Welcome to the n00bies who came out to check the Abattoir first-hand, CrazyCroat and 1337Cro; trust we'll see you at the next BTM!  Our third annual "Frag4Food" Drive was another success as generous Abattoir patrons shuffled in with can after can of Chunky Soup in hopes of taking home the LG L203WTX 20.1" wide-screen LCD Monitor draw prize...  A big congratulations to Cam (CorpsE) Smith!  His was the lucky ticket and the monitor was handed over on the spot (which, of course, he instantly started using).  SVTCobra arrived just in time to win a 250Gig hard drive and IceMan won the "Quarter Pounder with Cheese", intense!

The Food Bank will certainly say thank-you, so I'll say it in advance for them...  You all came through in spades once again at this "Frag4Food" Drive, hundreds of large Chunky Soup cans cover the table in the dining room (many arranged into a "BTM" pattern by DragonKillr).  Your donations will go directly to help provide a hot meal for the less fortunate in our area as the Christmas season fast approaches (yes, I said "Christmas", don't get me started again on this "Holiday Season" crap)  Good on ya all!  Shows the true nature of our patrons (or they all wanted to win the LCD Monitor, either way)

Of course, as usual, there are a smattering of digitals available for viewing of the BTM LAN Party, just check the Gallery Page -- smile, you might be in there...  Full resolution, unedited copies of the entire archive are available for download off the Abattoir SuperFTP, just check the BTM Directory!  For those of you who watched the BTM on the MeatCAMs, get your sign-up fingers ready because BTM53's play date will be announced shortly.


10:00pm Oct09, 2006 

At last we've finally done a little updating to the Abattoir Archives, our 2005 season wasn't even complete not to mention the total lack of 2006 -- now that the LAN Minutes has been archived we can chop about 250k of text blithering from the main page; we once again apologize to all our dial-up readers, then point at them and laugh.  Work will continue on the Archives as we further our efforts to move our history into the new format.  If you're at work reading this right now, why not check out the Archives now? after all, only your IT guy will know how much you're jerking your boss on work time.

It's Thanksgiving Weekend in Canada and the air of the Abattoir is fresh with the aroma of roast and gravy; other than eating, there was also some wedding action this weekend!  Our own Erich (Torque) Beline was hitched this Friday and ABNN was there to cover the event...  Join the forums where we've already posted ABNN exclusive photos of the event, including behind the scene shots!  We're awaiting official comment from the groom who's not yet been given permission to log back on the Internet.  As the photographer, I have over 2.5 gigabytes of digital extortion at my disposal; BTM52 is next week, but don't worry Torque, I've already cleared it with the bride and you can still attend.


08:00pm Oct05, 2006 

Okay, apparently there's several people who are itching to know what the Door Prize is for our season opening BTM "Frag4Food" LAN Party...  Here it is, one ticket will be random drawn from the Campbell's Soup donations, that lucky BTMer will leave BTM52 with an LG L203WTX 20.1" wide-screen LCD Monitor!  Sporting a 8ms refresh rate, 1400:1 contrast ratio and native resolution of 1680x1050, this sizable panoramic will enhance any gaming experience, even World of Warcraft (if that's your bag).  After picking-up this Door Prize, I returned the next day and bought two more -- Just an FYI, if my ticket is drawn for this prize, I'm keeping it this time rather than throwing it back into the frey like the last LCD monitor draw...  There are only a few ports left for BTM52, so sign-up, buy some soup and get set for carnage, pizza and a return of the Abattoir Plinko Board.


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