Over six weeks and not one LAN Minutes update...  Yes, we suck.  Let's have ourselves a little update on the happenings around Abattoir.Net then shall we?  My beloved aunt Monica and her porn star companion Chase have returned to England after their recent visit to the family and their first peek at Myles other than on a webcam...  We love Monica and Chase, they are fun, energetic, down to Earth, can drink and are right proper if my 'English' is to snuff; we have been trying to convince Mon & Chaz to levitate to Canada and help us pay taxes -- there's been some interest shown, so to sweeten I will point out some advantages as I know she reads the Abattoir hourly.  First, our electrical outlets completely kick your outlets asses...  We have 'plugs' on our appliances and gadgets, you guys over there have some huge, monster, whole-hand sized, Frankenstein outfits on the end of your cords that Canadians here would use to power a circus ride, we feel you're overcompensating and frankly, they look silly.  Second, 60hz (...helps the epileptics...)  Plus there's great wonders here like Niagara Falls, Dalton McGinty and Magnetic Hill.  Come to the dark side; bring your Nanny outfit, Monica. We love you.

Thanks to everyone that joined us for BTM44, our Summer opener means the closing of the Abattoir BTMs as we take time to enjoy the great Canadian Summer (...which is much dryer and warmer than England's Summer...)  The cottage begs our attention, LAN Central gets some finishing touches and some new 'features' installed and it's time to sit in the sun and enjoy what we've been waiting for all Winter...  Mosquitoes and smog advisories.   There is however some great game news that demands attention too: Doom 3 is finished and it's hitting the shelves on August 2nd! (...no really this time, we mean it!...)  We will be hosting a weekend "gathering" for those who want to come over and try Doom 3 on a new über machine built in anticipation, connected to a couple thousand watts of 5.1 sound and the Abattoir.Net Wall of Quake (...or the 'flame thrower' as it's known...)  There's no sign-up for this, it's not a BTM, it's not even really a mini-BTM, but you can count on cold beer and hot pizza, stay tuned to the Minutes, we'll let you know when it's all together.

I have tons of news to write about, such as Cedar SPAM Springs paying me a visit at work just the other day, but I'd much rather save this space to mention that today is Isis' birthday!  Please feel free to load her email up with birthday wishes from near and far since her own parents as of this writing have not remembered yet and she's just not feeling the love...  Take a jump to the Abattoir.BBs and post your love here!  I on the other hand, being the loving and romantic person that I am, surprised her beyond her wildest dreams with a new windshield for her car...  Yup, I'm one hell of a catch.

Now, for your reading pleasure; MeatMan goes off on another rant about another crap company...  Allow me to sink my fangs into Futureshop.  This company presents itself as one of the worst places on Earth to purchase anything that's over $16 unless you enjoy anal rape.  A couple of weeks back I popped over to Futureshop to grab a wireless router for the office; I knew exactly what it was I needed and I knew exactly where in the store it was located, I also knew I was in for another round of cat and mouse with their sales dorks.  I walked up to the product and was instantly pounced upon by Mohammed who asked if I needed any help (...nothing wrong with that...) I turned my head to the left, smiled at him and said, "Thank-you no...  I'm fine and don't require any help, thanks." -- he said no problem and began to walk away, as I turned my head back toward the rack of electronic goodies in front of me, I jumped when I noticed my personal space being violated by the head of Mohammed II who had flanked me from the right with incredible stealth while I was speaking to sales-unit 1; with Mohammed II "the close talker" about 12 inches from my face, he asked if I needed any help, which to me seemed rather odd since there's no way in hell he didn't just hear what I said less than 3 seconds ago to the last guy...  Annoyed already, I said "...no!  I don't need any help, I know what I'm after, thank-you!"  He took one step backwards (...which now placed him less than three feet away from me...) and said "...I'll be right here if you need me.", I looked at him as he stood there and gawked, "I can see that..." I said.  My hand reached out and I grabbed the LinkSys Router I came for.  Before I could even pull the box closer to me, Mohammed II jumps forward again, "Sir!  We have the Microsoft Base Station on sale right now, there's a rebate on the LinkSys, but with the Microsoft Base you get..." I cut him off mid-pitch by raising my hand like a crossing guard right in his face (...since he seem to like getting in my face, I felt I was within social tolerance getting in his...)  "...I do NOT require any help, I do not WANT any help, I'll ask once more that you leave me alone." I barked.  He backed off and once again threatened me that he would be close.  I was also in the market for a new Laptop, so with the Router in hand, I started to move around to the next isle to browse the selection...  I had just started to shift my weight and didn't even get one foot in front of the other when Mohammed II sprung, "How will you be paying for that, Sir?" as his outstretched hand snapped for the Router I was holding like a chemeleon's tonge nailing prey...  Now at this point, I've been in Futureshop less than 3 minutes and I've been assaulted 4 times already, my temples grew veins and started pulsing like an alien on Star Trek...  Apparently F*uck-off is the only phrase this guy will understand, but I'm above that (...so far...) and since I was out of pepper spray I had to deal with this static-cling dick-wad with words, "Would you mind if I continue to shop!?  Get the hell away from me!" -- I walked around the corner to the adjacent isle containing Laptops and the tracking started...  Every move I made was countered by Mohammed II like he was a friggin' mirror, I started to literally feel uncomfortable as I felt his stare beating the back of my head, I could almost feel his breath on my neck for crying out loud.  The issue here is, these poor slobs are all on commission, they must get paid about $8 a day and two soda crackers, the rest is coin they get whenever they ring your sale in and attempt to ram a useless extended warranty down your throat, I also find this annoyingly redundant since they stop you at the door and re-ring-in your purchase before you can leave anyway...  This guy had annoyed the hell out of me and I'll be damned if he's getting one cent off me for his harassment; I knew I was going to have to lose him and I knew it was going to be tough.  I started looking at all the Laptops, each time I put one down, Mohammed II's head swivelled toward me awaiting that chance to nail that .75¢ commission.  I had to fake him out, I placed the Router down, and moved to pick-up the next Laptop; thinking I was going to be looking at it for a couple seconds at least, Mohammed II turned back towards the other customer he was stalking...  This was my chance, like a well executed head-fake, I snatched the Router and literally started to run towards the cashier, Mohammed II sped into action, with his hand raised and waving franticly he shouted "I can ring that in for you here, Sir!" and he started to run after me, "Not a damned chance!" I yelled back as I sprinted for the cashiers.  This to me was a horrible shopping experience, but paled in comparison to what happened two days later at this same store in Mississauga when I returned for more abuse...  Check back for part II -- "MeatMan tries to buy two Sony LCD Monitors at Futureshop without a taser gun".  For this adventure in self abuse, I even brought my Mother with me to help run blocker.