Dawn of MiniMeat - 12:30pm Tue Apr20, 2004 

Now that was more fun than I had expected!  It's been quite a couple days and it's not over yet as I teeter on over 30 hours of alertness with little food, but I'm sure I could still kick your ass in Quake.  Isis was unbelievable and rock solid; we're very proud to show the first image of MiniMeat to our friends around the world - Please say greetings to Myles Dale Milton, born April 20th at 07:05am thanks to the unreal human hands of the staff at Credit Valley Hospital in Mississauga.  Isis laboured many, many hard hours but we moved to a C-section since little Myles was not willing to come out (...we're sure he had a toe-hold on at least two ribs...)  It may have also had something to do with him clocking in at 9lbs 10-1/2oz.  Yes, he's a big strapping lad and she was what anyone would call a trooper beyond, thanks for Myles baby!

This next image shows why Isis happens to be the greatest; this was taken a second after she just punched through an 8.5 on the labour-scale wave of contractions; note how I keep all things calm by being a complete ass-hole no matter how sensitive or important the moment; but check her out, a real smile.  Although the nurses liked our room the best since we were so much 'fun', this was Isis' and my first child and she's still got a smile while I acted my moron self, now that's moxie (...she had no "spinal-implant" as this was taken, so she's very much enjoying the pain in all it has to offer...)  I've run home to shower and change as we're still awaiting our private room, Isis remains in post-op recovery and is now enduring all the well-wishers piling at her rooms door, all the while smiling as her morphine tapers off...  What a trooper.  Love you.


09:00am Mon Apr19, 2004 

We've packed our bottles of "Crystal Springs Bottled Water" as it's pure and SPAM-free, we've got our Champagne, sandwiches are packed, laptop and cameras charged -- It's off to the hospital for Isis and myself!  As she's now 10 days overdue, the doctor has decided it's done and ready to come out; so we're booked in for a Monday morning birth.  Why today?  Several reasons...  It's the 19th today, that means nothing but I thought I'd mention it.  Mondays always suck, this may alter our perspective on Mondays.  We're going to hit a record high of 25°C today so the windows are open and spring's here; perfect!  That and of course game 7 of the Leafs vs. Senators is tomorrow night.  Thank-you all once again from both of us for all the letters and well-wishes; we appreciate each and every one of them.  Checking in to Hotel ScreamAlot now -- enjoy your Monday.


11:45am Fri Apr16, 2004 

Everyone will agree that SPAM has become a very real problem, this week the unthinkable happened to me; while in a meeting, my cell phone’s email alarm went off – swiftly I grabbed my phone thinking it must be Isis telling me she’s ready to birth, but that was far from the case; the following message appeared: “I know you’ve been looking for a great water company that delivers. I found one, go to orderbottledwater.com, for great pricing and service.” This is where the shit hits the fan; with email SPAM raging out of control, I can at least take measures to contain it, but someone actually sending SPAM to my personal cell phone – you have no filter ability for this and most people pay per message. Enraged by this complete violation, within 3 minutes I had tracked the SPAMMER down, the parent company, his full name, his work address, his email address and his cell phone number… You won’t believe who it is; a company whose reputation just took a complete shit in my books (…as it should in yours…) The following is a complete transcript of our email exchange thus far:

From: MeatMan
Sent: Tuesday, April 13, 2004 3:22 PM
To: michaelgabbard@rogers.com
Subject: Oh no... You've SPAMMED the wrong phone, Michael!

Mr. Gabbard...

I consider Cedar Springs to be a reputable company selling a decent product; all of that just went to hell in a hand basket after my CELL PHONE received a SPAM from your company under the URL of orderbottledwater.com

I will not go into the details of my utter distain for SPAM, but I will tell you how offended I am to think companies actually have the impudence to SPAM someone's cell. This costs me money. I do not use "opt-out" listings until I'm sure that's exactly what's going to happen when I press submit. Who is doing the actual SPAM mailings please and how do I get removed from it?

Further, I strongly suggest Cedar Springs INSTANTLY discontinue this practice.

Craig Milton

He did reply promptly, however the reply did not reach me so I re-mailed him (…his first reply was delayed due to SPAM traffic I’m sure…) but he quickly answered:

From: Michael Gabbard
Sent: Wed 14/04/2004 12:28 PM
To: MeatMan
Subject: RE: Oh no... You've SPAMMED the wrong phone, Michael!

Mr. Milton, Thank you for your email.

We had inadvertently emailed a small series of cell phone numbers, among which was your cell phone, with our offer to visit orderbottledwater.com.

We apologize for this inconvenience, and will of course take steps to make sure that your cell phone is not emailed again. If you would kindly pass on your cell phone number, which will be kept confidential, I will make sure that our provider removes it from their database.

I appreciate your opinion on the spam issue, and I will pass your comments on, which will be reviewed and taken into consideration in deciding if this is a marketing approach that we wish to pursue.

Michael Gabbard

Although personal, I consider this to be a somewhat canned answer, also full of untruths; my retort was fired back:

From: Craig Milton
Sent: Thu 4/15/2004 11:15 AM
To: michaelgabbard@rogers.com
Subject: Some times marketing departments don't have the "right" idea.

Thank-you Michael…

There appears to be an issue with our mail server then, afraid I did not receive your first message, my apologies. My cell number is 555 555-1234. I find it disturbing that someone can “inadvertently” email someone’s cell phone, when the site the SPAM directs you to has a cell phone number removal box on it, which suggests the SPAM was indeed intentional to my cell phone; I liken that to “inadvertently” beating someone over the head with a baseball bat 23 times.

You have to understand the total scourge to the internet that SPAM has become, but taking it to the level of actually intruding on someone’s paid for cell phone in order to force your advertising message is in very simple terms, not acceptable at all. I would like Cedar Springs to send me .10¢ cash to cover the cost of their advertising as incurred by myself on your behalf when I was text-messaged without provocation.

You may want to also “pass on” that this form of marketing will result in corporate suicide as I have full intension of letting the public know exactly where and from whom this cell-phone text messaging is coming from. Companies who hide under the ambiguity of the net are one by one being held accountable for their actions. If notification in a very public forum about Cedar Springs new “marketing idea” bothers your company, then it’s obvious that your company is aware they’re doing the wrong thing morally. Period; it's not even a discussion.

…your product is supposed to be clear, clean, pure and healthy; SPAM is none of these and I don’t think attaching Cedar Springs to SPAM is going to go over very well at all. Perhaps they'll have the idea of selling Viagra over the internet next to go with the water?

Craig Milton

So where to go from here? Well, that all depends on what their answer is to this last letter; but I’ll tell you one thing – Abattoir.Net will never again order Cedar Springs bottled water, nor will any of our four coolers at work be refilled with their product and the same goes for three other companies in my direct influence who have been told to pull their product; I encourage all loyal Abattoir.Net readers to do the same…  Cedar Springs, you're all wet.


11:45am Fri Apr09, 2004 
Now that we've gone HD we're finding out there's a little more to the purchase than just the digital system – turns out that the software which comes with the JVC GR-HD1U camera will not allow you to edit the footage you've taken, which is fine since that's something you would do within a product like Adobe® Premiere® Pro or "that there Apple stuph"; problem is, there's no support for HD editing… So with the software from the box, I can back-up my HD footage to my computer as a ".m2t" file, but cannot edit it, I can only view it and I have to do that through the camera; not until you buy the "plug-in" for Adobe by CineForm called AspectHD for Windows, an HD Editing package who's authors even sport the JVC on their site. This little add-on will expose itself for a shy $1,199.00 USD. My first question, what the hell is an ".m2t" file?! Some times things aren't always as complex as they seem; rename your ".pk3" files in Quake to ".zip" and you can open, edit, add, delete and generally goof around with it in WinZip, simply put Quake's ".pk3" files are just ".zip" files renamed. So let's just rename one of the imported ".m2t" files to ".mpg" and lookie-lookie; playable in Windows Media Player and importable of course to Adobe for editing, seems it's just an ".mpg" renamed to ".m2t" (…places money back in pocket…) Now to start filling up folders with digital droppings we think we can't live without and that others will want to see.

In our last super-captivating and spectacular minutes update, we spoke of a young man named Josh (zookrabbi) Fortier who walked the planet as an inverted Q-Tip with a mission; the term "get a hair cut" bounced off this superman of split ends in his pursuit to produce a large harvest come shearing time. We’re very proud to announce that zookrabbi lost 20 pounds and we have the before and after shots to prove it. Everyone at Abattoir.Net is proud of you zook, plus you look more aerodynamic. Josh raised over 80,098.24 JPY (Japanese Yen) for two cancer causes; nice job! Josh is now on a fundraiser for wigs - If you would like to contribute a few bucks, the foundation's still accepting and I'm sure Josh would be thrilled to add a few more Yen, or if you just want to comment on his new mellon, hit the Abattoir.BBs (Forum)

Time to talk BTM LAN Party; although there's a spawn about to enter the Abattoir at any given second (…Isis can be heard jumping up and down in the kitchen as I’m typing attempting to enduce…) we are fairly confident MiniMeat will arrive well before May 1st. Members have first run, but consider this the official announcement for BTM43 "May Day" Edition as Battlefield 1942: Vietnam and Unreal Tournament 2004 make their debut at the Abattoir BTM along with the premier of FarCry. We would like to thank EB Games in Oakville at Trafalgar and Hwy 5 for all the great swag to throw out at this BTM! If you're in need of any great game titles, it's one stop to EB Games and you're in the game... Summer's coming Folks, it's been a long time between BTM's and we thank you for your patience; let's get some rockets flying. Sign-up now! Remember to wear your best, we're going to be filming Abattoir.Net's first HD spot on LAN Parties. BTM43 "May Day" Edition – May 1st.

As there is an excellent chance that this Minutes update will be the last one written by a father of none considering that today is Isis' official due date, I would like to thank everyone for all the support and well wishes over the last while; Isis and I are thrilled that there will be a new addition to the Abattoir any minute… There's still so much to do and I find myself saying; "I'll get to that as soon as I have time" more and more these days, yet I'm still trying to figure out what button creates more time… I'm sure MiniMeat will tell me. *grin* Let the sleepless nights begin. Thank God for the Canadian government who banned "dangerous" baby walkers yesterday in Canada; they're asking anyone who has a stroller to destroy it immediately. I think they should just start a "walker registry" where legitimate walker enthusiasts can practice safe walker use in a controlled environment; I think it's called parenting. If you place your child in a rolling scooter on a hardwood floor in front of open stairs that head down, then I guess you're lucky to have made it as far as you have in life. Stupid people; stop wrecking everything for the rest of us. I stuck my finger in the sockets over and over because I got off on the buzz; I turned out okay.

11:55pm Thu Apr01, 2004 

Now how can one start a LAN Minutes update on April Fool's Day; due to the valve being turned back to "full anal penetration" on our Ontario hydro electrical rates as of today, the Abattoir.Net SuperFTP Server and cluster will be turned on and off using a timer... As I type, Infinity is in the Server Room inserting little blue pins into the wheel; we understand this may cause the SuperFTP to drop your connection from time to time but as we support the ability to resume your download, we figure you can wait for your pron. If you would like to become a member, we will remove one blue pin. Intriguing, isn't it? We also accept volunteers to run on the new "treadmill generators" we have placed throughout LAN Central. If DieJestor promises not to break my solar panels anymore, I think I'll start collecting again tomorrow. Go, Liberals! Go!! *bangs head*

Married life continues to show its daily joys; Isis is literally on an “any second now” basis for popping out MiniMeat. She has also formed her own gravitational field. On March 13th weekend we attended our “how not to kill your newborn the first week for Dummies” school which turned out to be quite an interesting two day class at Credit Valley Hospital; we’re ‘graduated birthables’ after completing our course; best of luck to all of you! On the second day, I was forced to eat Gravol to calm my nausea, so while important “how not to snap his neck” advise was being provided to the new parents to be, yours truly was in the dark, back corner with my head doing the moron-neck-bob while Isis continued to poke me with a stick. Thanks to Geraldine and Dana our teachers for putting up with my comedy from the back… I could smell the estrogen so lofty in the air; it smelt like burning.

Ever do this? Forefront in the news lately has been what appears to be Toronto the beautiful, turning into Toronto the downtrodden as the media starts attacking the litter problem that seems to have started running rampant lately. Taking the hint, I hit the street with a garbage bag in hand the other night and began doing a little block cleaning in the cold, light drizzle… It didn’t take long for me to almost fill a huge sized, non-biodegradable plastic garbage bag with refuse which will in turn be shipped to Detroit next week; but wait, where’s my wedding band? I was hoping it was in the garbage bag, so CorpsE and I started the ugly job of picking and sifting through soaking wet crap that I’ve picked-up that others threw on the ground to find my ring… Why does this just strike me as wrong to start off with? If you throw litter on the ground, you should have your ass kicked all over the city in a public display. Anywhooz, CorpsE came up Lord Of The Rings when he found it first; neat thing is, Isis has no idea this happened (…until she reads the Minutes…)

Canadian MP3 jockeys sighed as a Federal Court ruling yesterday said providing MP3 music files on P2P networks like Kazaa is legal here. Justice Konrad von Finckenstein's decision upsets the music industry since they're all happy on making the ISP's provide files so they can start suing. Keep in mind here Folks, this is stealing; if you like the tune you buy the CD... Konrad von Finckenstein likened MP3 file providers to a photocopy machine in a library. "I cannot see a real difference between a library that places a photocopy machine in a room full of copyrighted material and a computer user that places a personal copy on a shared directory linked to a P2P service," he said. Still stealing any way you try to slice it, so before I'm accused of such, I'd like to thank Canoe.ca for their excellent coverage, get the full story.

I would like to thank Dave (Odin) Potter for capturing this weekends Kodak Moment from our Provincial Park hike he planned.As we evolve, you may have noticed this LAN Minutes has a different look... The Abattoir has now gone High Definition. JVC recently came out with the GR-HD1U HiDEF Digital CyberCam. This camera brings HiDEF stream to users for under $50,000.00 USD. Although I bought mine, I'd like JVC Canada to send me another one "for evaluation purposes" for the plug I'm about to make. If you're in the market for a top notch digital system that turns the pros heads, check the stats out on this piece of work... As such, the unit has arrived in time for MiniMeat; yes, I would have held out for iMax, but they're still so expensive and noisy, don't even get me started on the size. There's also a "Pro" packaged version of the camera which didn't boast enough feature for "me" to warrant the extra but may entice you, check their site for details and tell them the Abattoir sent you. We look forward to producing shorts of the Abattoir BTM LAN Parties in High-Definition and placing the 2.8Gig files on the SuperFTP for people to download while the server turns off and on thanks to the Liberals.

Who ever said people with phreaky, out of control hair can't get a make-over? This young man has sacrificed the ability to get a job so he could grow hair; this is his story. We thought we'd throw kudos out to our own Josh (zookrabbi) Fortier who has endured massive delays for drying time, huge expense on shampoo, not to mention the constant teasing about his SIG file on Abattoir.BBs for the selfless purpose of raising money for the cancer assistance program and the canadian cancer society. Tomorrow at 9:30am in Highland Secondary School's gym, zookrabbi will have his head shaved. So far he has raised almost one thousand dollars, we will acquire images, please stay tuned.

Many have been asking about the next BTM date, we have it set already, but we can't tell you yet...



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