05:05pm Jul25, 2002 
Who writes this shit!?Construction's started on the Abattoir "Solar Troller" as we headed out to Home Depot for supplies yesterday.  I also get the pleasure of finding out how well Canadian Tire's online shopping works as I ordered a twin-pack of solar panels (…not available in stores, only online…) and pressed the "express" delivery button for an extra couple bucks, we'll see if their "2 to 3 business days" promise holds true.  We also contacted IPC directly about their products, we'll keep you informed as construction continues.

My email address (…being as public a person as you can get over the Internet I guess…) has recently landed in the hands of some damned aggressive Japanese SPAM masters and I'm now screwed!  Don't get me wrong, it's an interesting language, and I love the 2 Gig font sets I have to download just to be able to see a page filled with writing that resembles a spaghetti fight, but these people are sending me over 60 or so SPAMs a friggin' day and it's starting to get more and more annoying as days go by.  Just TRY and find the "unsubscribe" link on this crap!  (…not that it'll do anything anyway…)  It's like I'm being crank-called 60 times a day.  All I can say is "Yatta!".

Response to our little "Yatta!" video has sparked a rash of emails to the Abattoir ranging from people claiming to have gouged their eyes out after watching it, to people saying they can't stop laughing, to people asking all kinds of questions that until now, I've been unable to answer.  So for all you "Yatta!" fans out there (…you know who you are!..) we're pleased to offer a few links to aid you in your research.  But before we do that, quick!  Click this!!!  (…go ahead, we'll wait…)

Ha!  Did it again, didn't I?  Yes, there's a whole "Yatta!" thing going on out there…  The video is so mind bending, funny to me, I've actually found a 95meg mpeg of it!!  (…it's up on the SuperFTP under videos, just look for "yatta.mpg" but remember, I have logs and we'll know who you are!..)  Care to buy a pair of "Yatta!" underwear!?  Wouldn't you just love to win this at a BTM? <GriN!>  Perhaps you'd like to hear the "Abattoir Mega Mix (Extended Version)" of "Yatta!"?  Head to the MP3 High Bandwidth folder on the SuperFTP.  You might even want to learn the "Yatta! Dance".  I think I need to order this on DVD!

All this goes fine with our crappy Chinese food we ordered last night, I awoke this morning thinking a freight train was going by, but it just turned out to be my colon doing backflips…  I just don't know why I do that to myself…  It must be like McDonald's, you still go back and do it again.  They give you 50 pounds of food, you eat 0.2 pounds and you're stuffed to the point where you can't eat another bite, then a half-hour later, your stomach starts freaking out suddenly as if it's not seen food in three days, what's up with that?  All this of course ties in to the shit fortune cookie Skunkworks got with his trough of "flung-dung-low", click on his image to see the fortune.  (…go ahead, we'll wait again…)  So!?  What do you think?  Think perhaps they have a job opening in the "Cookie Creative Writing" department?  That's the lamest fortune I've ever read.  Since we're in an "Asian" mood, we also rented the "Kung-Pow!" DVD…  If you've not seen this movie, and you have the same sense of humour that I do, get it!!  We still have pains in our sides (…some from the food, of course…).

We'll be announcing the date for BTM34 soon after this weekend, so be sure to check back often if you want in, I suspect we'll be filling it up fast again!  If I don't have a chance to post another LAN Minutes update before the weekend hits, everyone have a "Yatta!" weekend!  (...I wonder if the Pope likes, Yatta?  He's in town, perhaps I should ask...)


10:00am Jul24, 2002 
Click me to meditate!What a couple weeks it's been!  Yes, it's a LAN Minutes update at last, those of you who actually read the LAN Minutes on the Palm Pilot using our “Palm Minutes” link will hate me, this is going to hurt.  (…if you would like to hurt your Palm Pilot by getting the Palm Minutes directly delivered to your PDA, just use AvantGo and point to http://www.abattoir.net/palmminutes.htm and a special Palm Version of the Minutes will update to your PDA every time you sync…)  The Palm version of the minutes is "trimmed down" from the full version here. (note for archive: PalMinutes are no longer updated)

You'll have to forgive us for the lack of updates, but from the 6th to the 14th I took my first week off work in 6 years!  It was off to the cottage for a week of doing pretty much nothing, and as busy as I am normally, I thought this was going to be a huge challenge…  As it turns out, I'm actually pretty good at doing nothing!  I'm thinking of going pro.  Last year we bought a rubber dingy for Isis and I to float around on, this year, not satisfied with the norm, I was at Canadian Tire up in cottage country shopping for Tupperware when I accidentally slipped and bought a trolling motor, deep cycle marine battery, 10 amp auto charger and harness for our little rubber fun craft.  From that day on, we spent almost all our time on the river cruising up and down in silent stealth mode in total comfort.  This little beast will drive around the rivers and lakes of the Trent waterways for 14 hours before needing a recharge!  After one trip of about 5 hours, we realized that sunstroke was not fun and decided our next phase for our water craft, we're going to build a nice canopy for it, but why stop there?  I think we'll make the top of the canopy out of ICP High Output Solar Panels, add 4 channel PC speakers to the canopy and some night running lights, an MP3 player and we have the first “Solar Troller”!  (…even when on vacation, I need to vacation…)  We'll bring you updates as that “Stupid Human Project” progresses.  All in all, I was a test sponge for the West Nile Virus, but we both had a great time as we watched our blood pressure slowly go down (…either from relaxation, or loss of blood to mosquitoes…).  DieJestor lent me his spanky laptop just in case I went into withdrawal, I was going to bring it out in the dingy at night and be the first to “Quake on the Lake” but never got around to it.

The pace of all that changed as we returned to the big smoke and geared up for BTM33!  Thursday evening we decided to get some practice in when DieJestor and Isis were fighting over the last Arby's Burger…  “I will play for Food”. Isis ‘let’ DieJestor win she said.  The cleaning and set-up ran all day long as the Abattoir's crack set-up team prepped the location for fragging.

It wasn't long before the Abattoir started to fill Friday evening for the “Early-Bird”, with record attendance this was going to be one loud and violent BTM!  We also brought in a little high-tech toy fun with the introduction of a Flying Saucer and radio controlled Blimp!  That quickly turned into a small Robot War as the blimp motored into the room the saucer was flying around.  (…the Blimp had the “stealth” advantage and shear size, but the Flying Saucer had power and manoeuvrability, if you were one of the few who had the ability to actually get it flying…)  Thankfully there were no casualties.  A big thanks to Candie and Sn00gans for supplying the “hot air” and getting our Blimp filled.

As it turned out, Isis celebrated her 30th birthday during the BTM too!  A huge Ice Cream Cake was a big hit as temperatures outside hit the low 30s and with about 28 machines running in LAN Central, bodies packing every inch and LoneFart in the corner, the air conditioning was having a fun wattage sucking time trying to keep-up with the thousands of BTUs pumping up from the lower floor.  I was just waiting for the RCMP to show up at the Abattoir asking “So…  How many plants are in your hydroponics lab, and may we see them please?”.

As voted on the Abattoir BBs, it was time to “Smash SoDa’s Mouse”.  We're not too sure who started this, I think it was Hell_Pixie, but SoDa’s optical mouse has been the target of hostility for a few BTMs now and this time, it was handed over by SoDa for total destruction. LoneFart was our resident pyrotechnical engineer as a small TNT charge was loaded into his mouse, SoDa had the honours of lighting the fuse, then running away in a geek Monty Python way (…what a chicken…).  Regardless, the mouse was toasted then bashed into a fine powder for loading into the Abattoir Rocket, then into orbit as we blow his mouse remains into space (…sorta’…).  A problem arose when we could not find the extra package of solar igniters.  Frantically, the entire crew snapped at it thinking of ways to launch it, ways to build our own solar igniter!  “Filaments from a light bulb!”, “Let's wrap the stripped wire from SoDa’s mouse cable around some match heads and ram it up the engine, some putty to seal and we're a go when the ignition's pressed!”…  Yes, many great ideas!  For all the geek head power we had at BTM33, the best idea was to hold a match under it.  (…yes, Folks…  Your education dollars at work here…)  Needless to say, there were issues with ignition and we decided to scrub the launch, just as well too…  I was going to call it over an o-ring I saw that looked out of place anyway.  SoDa’s mouse will be cast into the Heavens at BTM34.

Screw the launch, after all that excitement, everyone's built up an appetite (…I think the kilos of Buffalo Wings served only an hour ago did nothing more than start gastric juices…)  Dave (Odin) Potter took the rights to running the massive grill by challenging me to a thumb fight (…truth is, I let him win…  But I think he knows that…).  With Cam (CorpsE) Smith performing the duties of crowd control and meat-conveyor, the flames were flying in no time…  Great job on the meat, Dave!!  (…anyone who got ill can call me, I'll give you Dave's home address and phone number, sue him, not me…)

We had some no-shows again, a couple Newbies who'll remain unknown at this time…  But never fear, we had people who weren't on the Reservation Page show-up with their computers in their cars “Just in case a spot opened or someone passed out.”  Pretty much an overload as it was considering there was a couple “outages”, but huge extension cords do wonders.

We're thinking of posting “street signs” on the pillars in LAN Central…  The deep corner pocket can be called “Blackout Alley”, the area where zCereal spilled glycol in the carpet when he tried to put together his new liquid cooled system can be called the “Love Canal”, and I'm sure we can think of more.

Let's not forget to say a huge congratulations to Dave (BammBamm) Bamforth and Dale Bamforth!  Dale gave birth to a little baby boy, Hayden!  Just take a peek at this little future Quake freak…  Dave, he doesn't look anything like his ultrasound photos you showed me before!  Way to go, Dale and once again, congratulations from all of us!  (…video from the “MeatDeliveryCAM” are up on the SuperFTP under "superftp/uploads/video/dave&dale/wetbloodhound-productions.mov", I hear Dave did this one in iMax and the soundtrack's kinda' cool too…)

Forgot to mention, electric trolling motors can be attached to pool ladders!  On speed 2 they turn your pool into a "Redneck Lazy-River" ride rather nicely...  No more running around in circles to get a good current going!  (...yeah, I know...  We're pathetic...)

Now that I've taken your time up with this oversized, mega-update, click this right now, don't ask any questions -- Be sure you've had a hard shot of booze or for those who indulge in herbal therapy, you might want to light one now.  Turn your volume up and the lights down.  Gather your loved ones and enjoy…  This will be another 4 minutes of your life you'll not get back, but I guarantee you this…  After watching it to the end, you're eyebrows will join together, wrinkles will appear on your forehead and your eyes will squint real small…  There's no doubt in my mind, you'll hear yourself say, "What the HELL was that!?". (link removed for archiving - file on SuperFTP in video directory Yatta!)


04:25pm Jul02, 2002 
Wow!  Four Registrations for BTM33 in the first five minutes after the date was announced…  The heat must be getting to you people!  We’re sold-out again, but if you still want in, don’t hesitate to apply for the Waiting List, we always have cancellations!  Speaking of heat, we’re hitting 36c today (…46c [115F] with the Humidex…) and I think after work, I’m heading straight to the Abattoir Dunk Tank again, it’s floating at 90F right now and sure will be refreshing!  I really feel for people who don’t have air conditioning right now!  Now that we have “deregulated” electricity, we get a nice sample of how well it’s going to work, the power commission just announced that unless consumption goes down fast (…which it won’t…) they’ll start doing unannounced, random power outages!  They claim they’ve “run out of electricity”.  Huh!?  Open another bottle then.

Our worse fears have been confirmed, Cujo of the Toronto Maple Leaf’s is now Cujo of the Detroit Red Wings…  Shock to me was hearing that Domi is gone too!  WTF?  CFRB 1010 was hot on the topic seconds after Cujo’s emotional press conference as “The Motts” ask how we all feel about it…  Of course, I was in like stink on that topic…  Take a listen (…and I apologize for the audio quality in advance, there’s some real nice AM squeal on this track…) (link removed for archiving - file on SuperFTP under MP3s)

Join the Forums on the Abattoir BBs and throw your two-cents around, here’s what people are talking about regarding the Leafs, and don’t forget to get your vote in on what’s going to happen at BTM33.  I’m going to climb into the refrigerator now.  Perhaps tomorrow I'll show you what us idiots did with explosives last night. (links removed for archiving)


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